15 Nov The Words of a JERK
Blog Series
Helpful Tips for Saving Yourself from Trouble
It is said that you cannot break the laws of God. You can only break yourself against them when you violate them. In this series we are looking at some of the simple and clear “laws of God” – that is to say, “biblical principles” – that we must follow if we do not want to bring very negative cause-effect consequences into our lives.
The words of a J.E.R.K.
In high school, I thought was a B.M.O.C. – a Big Man On Campus. I was an athlete, played in several school bands, had the lead in the school play, and was invited to all the parties the cool kids had. I thought I was big stuff. On the outside. On the inside I was insecure, uncertain and easily intimidated. I was an overachiever simply because I had no confidence whatsoever in my inherent worth as a human being. So I had to rely on achievements to validate my worth as a member of the human race.
I would periodically do other things to validate my status, to remind myself and others that I was, in fact, a B.M.O.C. Usually, these things were the actions of a J.E.R.K., which is often what I really was. But I didn’t realize it at the time.
One of my most disheartening forays into J.E.R.K.-dom happened when a new girl moved to our small town. She was quiet and shy, though looking back on it many years later, I remember her as a nice young lady. She had a pleasant countenance, was polite, courteous, and a good student. There was nothing wrong with her.
But the ways of a J.E.R.K.s are difficult to fathom, and for some reason several of “the cool guys” singled her out for unwarranted attention. We used to talk about her within her hearing. Nothing ugly, just questions about where she came from, what she was like, and why she was so quiet. But especially because we did it within her hearing, it was terribly rude. She never said anything, never acknowledged our rudeness, and never lost the pleasant look on her face.
I remember at one basketball game where she was sitting in front of us, and we started blowing on the back of her head. Very slightly at first. We wanted her to reach back and feel the back of her head and wonder what was there. But she didn’t. So we blew harder. She still didn’t acknowledge our pestering. Finally we blew so hard we parted her hair down the back of her head. She did nothing. She never acknowledged our presence and never lost the pleasant look on her face.
To this day I don’t fully understand why I did that. I was not a consciously mean kid. I think it had something to do with establishing my place over someone new, so I could reassure myself of my standing in the herd. But undeniably, it was the behavior of a pack animal.
When I think of it now, I reproach myself for my thoughtless actions. How I must have hurt her. And for no reason. Yet she was the picture of grace through it all.
In reality, she was a B.W(oman).O.C. I was just a big J.E.R.K.! I don’t know where she is today, but I wish I could talk to her and ask her to forgive me. I wish I could tell her how much I regret my rudeness and how much I admire her for her graciousness.
The power of the tongue
Why do we use our tongue so carelessly? Why are we so insensitive to others? What motivates us?
If I had to guess, I would speculate that most of our inhumanity to others is rooted in our own insecurities and sense of inadequacy. Like chickens fighting for a pecking order in the coop, we fight each other for positions in the pecking order of humanity, often with words.
You’ve heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Of course, it’s not true! Words can hurt and words can heal. Words can tear down; words can build up. Words can destroy and words can create.
We have, behind our lips, a tool that gives us the ability to encourage, exalt, and empower, or the ability to discourage, damage, and defeat.
If we had a physical weapon this powerful, it would have to be licensed and registered with the authorities. Some people would not be permitted to carry it. Yet here we are, everyone armed with a weapon so powerful that lives hang in the balance when we use it. And many of us don’t know how to use it well.
What does the Bible teach about the tongue?
The Bible teaches that the tongue is extremely powerful, and it commands us to use our tongue wisely.
God knows the power of the tongue. He gave it to us. And He instructed us on how to use it. The central passage in the Bible on the tongue is found in James 3:2-6, “If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. Now if we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.”
Whew! Strong words. And that’s not the end of it. The Bible has more to say about our words. “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.” (Luke 6:45)
What comes out of our mouths originates in our hearts. The heart is the reservoir. Our words are merely the stream flowing out of it. How embarrassing! Everyone knows! They know our heart by listening to our words!
Conclusion
So, changing our speech is not an easy task because it isn’t merely our speech that needs changed. It’s our heart. That’s why James wrote that if we could control the tongue, we could control the entire body. Therefore, we have to look honestly and accurately at our speech. Is it helpful speech or hurtful speech? No one speaks all of one and none of the other, but that must not keep us from being honest.
When we are honest about our speech, we can look at the characteristics of good speech and bad speech with the goal of improving our own. If we use our tongue wisely and well, it will honor God, improve our relationships with other people and make our lives go better.
In case you’re new here
The entire “Helpful Tips for Saving Yourself from Trouble” series is in the archives, beginning with the first post on July 26, 2022. As the series continues, each succeeding post will be added to and available in the blog archives.
In addition, I’m creating a new online membership site, The Change Zone, that will provide information, strategies and resources to help motivated Christians renew their mind and transform their lives. If you would like to learn more about this and get updates to know when The Change Zone will be available, click here.
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