To Be Happy, Must We Choose Self Over Others?

30 Mar To Be Happy, Must We Choose Self Over Others?

 Blog Series:

Renew Your Mind ~ Transform Your Life

This blog series is on “change”:

How can we be transformed from what we are to what we would like to be?

First, we must abandon ourselves to an eternal perspective. We must be utterly committed to viewing reality as God does, not as we might wish it to be.

Abandoning ourselves to an eternal perspective involves three steps

1. We must believe the unbelievable (it’s not really unbelievable, it just seems unbelievable from a temporal perspective).  We spent the first 11 blogs focused on that great challenge.
2. We must choose the undesirable (it’s not really undesirable, it just seems undesirable from a temporal perspective). We spent last week focused on this challenge, and will spend this week and next on it also.
3. We must fight the invisible (waging effective spiritual warfare).

This week, we continue unpacking point number 2, “choosing the undesirable”.

The first undesirable thing we must choose is God over happiness. But we saw last week that, accurately understood, choosing God is choosing happiness.

Now, this week we look at the fact that…

We must choose others over self

It seems, at first glance, that by choosing others over self, we are sacrificing any hope of happiness. How can we be happy if we abandon any self-life and live only for the sake of others?!? It seems to be a recipe for becoming a doormat and forfeiting our happiness on the altar of serving others who often may be hopeless or ungrateful or oblivious. It seems, at first glance, like a guaranteed recipe for unhappiness.

Well, the answer lies in finding the balance between two extremes.

One extreme is that you serve yourself to the total exclusion of others, and the other extreme is that you serve others to the total exclusion of yourself. So, let’s explore how to balance those two extremes.

God expects each of us to have our own life. 

There are several key verses that tell us that God has a plan for our lives.

• Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were written all the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.
• Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
• 1 Peter 4:10 says, “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another.”

Putting these passages together, we learn that God has a plan for our lives, that plan includes doing good works, and that each of us not only has been given a job to do, and but also gifts to do it with

So, God does not expect us to simply live our lives at the mercy of others’ needs. Rather, He expects us to live our lives in the pursuit of His will and the good works he has prepared for us to do.

And, when we find the lane God wants us to travel in, employing the gifts God has given us to travel with, we find purpose, meaning, and satisfaction… the components of happiness.

 We integrate our life purpose with the needs of others. 

However, those good works are to be directed to the benefit of others. Notice that Peter writes, “as each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another.”

So, we serve others, but in God’s marvelous wisdom, we do so in a way that integrates with God’s will for us and brings meaning and purpose to us.

Luke 6:31 says, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” This is the single most powerful statement ever uttered regarding human relationships. If we each followed this commandment today, a majority of human suffering would cease by tomorrow.

But following this commandment does not result in our loss of personal identity. Just the opposite, because as we do unto others as we would have others do unto us, it causes people, in general, to respond positively to us. Especially our family, friends and others close to us. And in responding positively to us, it enriches our lives with better relationships and circumstances.

We give to others, others give to us, and the result is that we are all enriched in a context of unity and harmony.

1. This is built on the biblical principle that love “gives”. 

• John 3:16 says, “God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in him would not perish but have everlasting life.”
• Galatians 2:20, “I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me.”
• Ephesians 5:2, “walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us.”
• Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

These passages tell us that love gives. And, since we are commanded to “love our neighbor as ourselves” (Matthew 22:39), we are to give to others as the Lord leads.

2. We “get” by “giving” to others.

The surrounding context of these passages suggests that we also get by giving. As the husband loves his wife and gives himself up for her, the wife finds it easier to respect her husband and deeply satisfying love blossoms in the relationship.

As parents give themselves to the welfare of their children, it makes it easier for children to give themselves to their parents (Ephesians 6:1-4).

As employers give themselves to the welfare of their employees, it makes it easier for employees to give themselves to the welfare of their employers (Ephesians 6:5-9).

So, we must first understand that love gives. Second, we must understand that we “get” by “giving.” As we give of ourselves to others, others tend to give of themselves to us, resulting in their needs being met and our needs being met.

3. We “get” by “giving” to God.

God has given Himself to us, loving us and providing for our earthly and eternal welfare. When we give ourselves back to God, we are blessed by Him.

• Mark 9:25 says, “If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all…” So when we “give” by being last, we “get” by being first in God’s eyes, and are eternally rewarded (Romans 8:18).
• Mark 10:43 says, “whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant…” When we “give” by being a servant, we “get” by becoming great in God’s eye and are eternally esteemed in His eyes (Matthew 25:21).
• Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure – pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.” We are rewarded with the level of generosity we extend to others.

Because God has created us as social beings, because God has created us to want and need one another, He has created us so that we get by giving. As we give to others and others give to us, all our needs are met in a context of unity and harmony. And as we give ourselves to God, we enjoy His rich blessing in our lives as well.

Conclusion

So, we began by saying that we had to choose the undesirable, that we had to choose others over self. But that only seems undesirable at first glance. On second glance, it is the only reasonable thing to do. Choosing others over self is the way to happiness. Not that we become a doormat, giving ourselves to others for them to endlessly walk on, but rather, within the will of God, understanding that God has a plan for us, a job to do and gifts to do it with, we give ourselves to others, encouraging others to give themselves to us, and in doing so we gain the happiness we seek.

Be sure to come back next week as we unpack the final element in “choosing the undesirable”.

In case you’re new here

This blog post is part of a series titled “Renew Your Mind, Transform Your Life”, introduced on January 5, 2021. As the series continues, each succeeding post will be added to and available in the blog archives at www.maxanders.com.

If you know anyone who you think might enjoy joining us in this study, please forward this blog to them and encourage them to go to my web site (www.maxanders.com) and sign up for the free video, “Master the Bible So Well That the Bible Masters You”, available there on the home page. This will put them on my regular mailing list and they’ll receive my weekly blogs on this subject.

In addition, I am creating a new online membership site, The Change Zone, that will provide information, strategies and resources to help motivated Christians renew their mind and transform their lives. If you would like to learn more about this and get updates to know when The Change Zone will be available, click here.

I look forward to going through this life-changing journey with you.

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